Nuclear Mother In Law©

Written by American Author Sky Taylor

Mean Mother in Law Stories

How to Deal With 'It'

 

Mother In Law Stereotypes

Code Red, Level 9 - Fusing Mother to Nature can be quite volatile.

Code Red is dedicated to the Selfish mother-in-laws. This stereotype strives to heap guilt upon their offspring - making them feel indebted to them for the rest of their lives.

If it wasn't for mother - YOU wouldn't exist. It doesn't matter that you exist in living you know what.....

If it wasn't for mother, YOU wouldn't owe her for the world. She's just not a mother - rather the creator of all things excellent - except YOU.

Bearded Mother in Law

It happened so innocently one Spring morning when Dawn was forced into accepting the "invitation" to meet her mother in law, Edith.

Edith herself had suggested such the evening before when she had whizzed by unexpectedly and joined the family for dinner without invitation.

The meal had consisted of franks and beans covered with shredded cheese - a meal which Dawn now regretted. Because of such, she knew she was in for a ear-full of lecturing from Edith who had unfortunately been given the Gift of Gab at birth.

She could almost imagine what Edith's lecture would consist of. Something to the effect of, "How dare you feed my grown baby Vincent beans and franks! Not to mention my two adorable grandsons!! They deserve better. I knew that Vincent should have married Stacy. She would have been perfect for him. SHE could cook!!"  Yes, by the time that Edith got through with her verbal volcano, Dawn was certain she'd look more shredded than the cheese she'd used to top the franks and beans last evening.......

Oddly enough, the front door was open, so Dawn slipped inside Edith's den. But Edith was nowhere in sigh. What to do, what to do. And then she heard a commotion in the kitchen - perhaps her mother in law was still busy dipping half the apple in poison, Dawn silently mocked.

Without hesitation, she made fast tracks to the kitchen then gasped rather loudly as she glimpsed Edith shaving her chin in front of the kitchen sink, making use of the bright sunlight flooding in through the window. Needless to say that the remainder of the morning was spent on Edith assuring Dawn of how much she had enjoyed her dinner the evening before....

MOTHER-IN-LAW PROBLEMS vs SOLUTIONSMother-In-Law's Tongue Twister - The Unselfish Mother-In-Law

Unwanted, Dead or Alive

I'm not happy, therefore you aren't going to be either!!!

Give until it hurts because I sure as heck hurt when I had you!

Helpless, yet totally overbearing.

The Day I Married My Mother in Law

Gazing into the den from the hot kitchen, I see a lioness licking chocolate from her claws while I slave over a hot boiling pot. And if I were an evil native, I'd know exactly what I would do with the lioness. Lucky for her, I am but a common hen-pecked man who is paying penance for marrying my mother in law - not in a true sense, rather in true form, for this she-devil has taken on the form of her mother.

Oh, it started out swell - my lioness more kitten than lion. But as the hands of time spun the web, slowly but surely my kitten grew claws - claws just like my mother in law. Then came the fangs and worst of all, the pouncing about - just like my mother in law.

I became the prey - the scared little mouse whose most common words uttered were, 'Yes dear,' while the stallion within slowly withered into a gelding.

As I gaze closer into the den, I suddenly have second thoughts for I am not quite sure what the kitten I married used to look like. The once golden mane lies locked inside of iron rollers - just like mother in law. The drab moo-moo looks a lot like what mother in law wears - as do those bushy brows that match legs so thickly matted with hair that even a bush hog might find difficulty mowing down the mass.

Dinner smells good and is almost done as I again confirm my thoughts. And as I recollect my wise father's words, I twinge and wish that I had heeded his warning for his words were indeed true. For if I would have looked closely at my future bride's mother, I would have peered into the future. My future.

Perhaps tomorrow I will go on a walk through the concrete jungle. Perhaps I will buy a muzzle to contain her. Perhaps I'll-

" Dick!! Where's my dinner!! Dick!!! Do you hear me!!!!"

"Yes dear."

Man, Woman

Infinity

Original Mother-In-Law Jokes

MOTHER

Mind Over Mother = MOM

Mother's in the coach with her long plaited leather whip. Wait.  Or...is that a rat?

Q. How many mean mother in laws does it take to free a beached whale?

A. Only one. Mother in Laws are known to have very strong, long tongues.

Q. What does a vampire and a mean mother in law have in common?

A. Other than fangs, nasty temperaments, an overbite and wanting to suck out all your life's blood, absolutely nothing.

 Mother's Golden Rules

1. I'll always be Number Uno

2. Never Speak, Even When Spoken To

 

 

Related Articles

Stereotypes of Mother-in-Laws

Abominable Mother In Law
Level 2, Storm Chasers

Level 3, Windbag

Level 4, Doctor Mom

Level 5, Hurricane

 

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